..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The power of my boobs compel you
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
