The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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