I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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