we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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