I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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