my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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