I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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