I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
