We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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