if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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