Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
