xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
