I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
