she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
