AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
