that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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