why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
