I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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