I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
