Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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