you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
