I wanna bring you to show and tell
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
