I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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