her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
