Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
