I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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