just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
