It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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