some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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