walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
