next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
