Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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