she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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