Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Randomize
