I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude i'm inner monologue high
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
