How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just cropdusted the office
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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