If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
its liver damage thursday
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