did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
His nipple licking is glorious
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