I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Duck Duck Cougar?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
