I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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