The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
this hospital has no fireball
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
