How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
