It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
