Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
