ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This is my gift to your gina
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
