I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
