forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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