At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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