Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
