Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
