Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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