My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
