Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize