Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
