Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize