I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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