Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
