Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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