If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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