Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
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Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
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dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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