my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
