great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
