i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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