well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
