life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
