I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
