I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
