Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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