I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
