someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
