Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I wear drunk well.
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