I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
