At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
