whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
