dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
