He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Someone shattered a urinal.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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