Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
