she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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