you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
