her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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