Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
