You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
