i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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