Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
