Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
