Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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